Have you ever misplaced something and eventually stopped searching for it? – like when you are looking for a pen and suddenly you are unable to locate it on your study table or the time that you realized that your only scrunchie is missing after you have rifled through your bag for the nth time. I suppose this is not a rare case, for all and sundry this became an endless cycle of mishaps where we lose things and despite of all sorts of searching and cleaning, we ended up losing hope instead and decided to just cease trying.

Whatever the reason behind all these holdbacks, may I encourage you that the search need not to be over. Especially if you believe that it is truly worth finding. Let us be frank, Life does not come with a treasure map, which we can use to find way to the triumphs in life. It does not come with a URL where you can use google to search for you and find information about it. No matter how many programming classes you take, you can never crack the codes of your life. Hate to say this but there are no shortcuts.

The way I see it, feeling lost is your instinct telling you that you are not where you should be. Likewise, it means you are meant for something more, if not, at least, meant for something else. It may not be a direction or guiding principle explicitly telling you the criterion of having a well-lived life, rather it is the beginning of your awareness of what you truly deserve.

As I am writing this, I began to contemplate on things that I stopped searching - whether it is something that I was so sure that I am well-suited for it; or a friendship that became dormant after not being able to retain constant communication; maybe a dream that I have convinced myself is no longer worth chasing or a passion I already agreed that it is not meant for me. I began to understand that not everything I lose is a lost and that not all of them needs to be recovered – I would either just replace it or adjust to the fact that I am totally fine without them and move on.

So, if you are feeling lost keep moving forward and discovering more about life and yourself. Because honestly, none of us are actually lost – just not in the right place yet. 

I sometimes still think about you

and how this place is now shaded in blue

I try to extricate and think of what I can do

 Deliberately believing all else is untrue

I sometimes still think of the soul that burned

Curiosity & longing, one day you will return

Meanwhile, I hunt for comfort in foreign’s herd

Catching limerence but nothing is earned

 I sometimes think this feels nouvelle

 It would have been easier if we just bid farewell

 Losing faith as I am under your spell

 I remain seated in this silence to compel

 I sometimes ponder when Love & Hate meets

 Would you still hope this piece of puzzle fits?

 I can no longer withstand, I must acquit

Like chasing shadows when the matchstick lit

 I sometimes still think that this must end

 Mangled tapestry that I have yet to mend

Now I understand what my mother meant

That a man should love you with prime intent